I love me. I am important. Go me!

Sheeple: Nickname for People Sheep, or People of society acting as Sheep. Following one direction, being a mainstream..

When I was young, I knew how the world could be dangerous. I saw how wars caused suffering and needless deaths, how crime changed people and society and they way someone's stupidity could cause another harm. One never knew what exactly life could throw at them. Sure, right now somebody's life may be going okay--a job, family, friends and the lot. But what if, just saying, that person lost his or her job? Did you have a cache of money to get you out of debt? What if your loved one got hurt in front of you and their life started to slip away from your grasp? Would you know what to do?

My concern, as I've stated many times to others, is my life and adapting to changes. I decided to become prepared and that made a lot of people see me as paranoid. Paranoid? Or am I just aware? Aware of the realities that can harm you? Paranoia is a mental disorder. Being aware is what a human should be doing.

A few years back I got training in first aid and CPR done. Many of my peers and family members came to me for many things. Sometimes I'd get calls in the middle of the night to help someone treat an injury or even go to their house as a form of an on-call doctor. I started volunteering and working as a First Aid Attendant. Then last summer I got certified as a Emergency Medical Responder (a low-level paramedic position) in which I needed to enter the Primary Care Paramedic course but thanks to the paramedic strike, I wasn't able to continue on with that just yet.

Anyways, for a long time I've been taking care of people's wounds and illnesses and I didn't mind. But then it became more extreme--depressed and suicidal people came to me after hearing I help people and it got to the point where I would have to look after them for months at a time. Sure, some do it for attention, but you can never be sure. Besides, say they don't get the attention, then what? Looks like they have a lot of people who care about them..

What happened next was that I changed. I went from being a generally, happy-go-lucky guy who cared for others and now, I look out for my self mainly and I don't really give a damn about the majority of people (of course if I see a person bleeding out on the streets, then I'll get right to work). I changed because I got burned out or 'mentally exhausted'.

But they kept coming. I suppose it is my fault for opening myself up to many people. I started being used for little things. Many of those I did help turned on me and some even said that I was trying to be better than others. Fuck no. Then they started wondering why I was mad, or why I hesitated in helping and then wondered what was wrong with me.

I learned the hard way that you have to say no to people when they become dependent. It won't do anyone any good if you keep saying yes and trying to be nice.

Now the reason why I stated the whole "Sheeple" thing above was the fact that this is what society is really like. We created things in our heads to make it seem like life is good, that it's better. If you need to make something better, isn't there a problem in the first place? I see many things as an excuse to do something that's supposedly 'right' for everyone.

Think of religion. I'll leave it there.

Anyways, about the Sheeple. Sheeple will follow what others do and become oblivious to what's really going on. They (like those people who came to me stated above) depend on someone else to do the dirty work, to show that nothing bad will happen if they are around. But what if they weren't? Almost everyone will see an accident and say "Call 9-1-1!" and then they sit there watching the person die in front of them because Rush-Hour is keeping back the ambulance and police officers.

Oh, then bitch and complain about how long it took them to get there.

"My son died because of you! You took too long!" (Yes, this HAS happened many times before. Don't say it doesn't happen.)

We can't depend on the government or anyone else for that matter (trust me I think the government tries hard to help, but sometimes they just can't). You have to do something if you want to make it through the hard reality. In the dark streets, only YOU can defend yourself. In a car accident, only YOU can take care of yourself and your loved ones and anyone else if they don't know what to do.

Besides, if the First Responders can see that you can take care of yourself and your loved ones, then it'll give them time to take care of others around them who REALLY need it.

Sorry if I seemed a bit all over the place--my mind was running everywhere.

Here, I was relating what my life (so far) of helping people is like, with society and first responders. Take care of yourself and your own, help the more unfortunate and let the others do the same. Don't depend on others for things you can handle. That's what I was trying to say. The world can be so much better that way.

Embrace The Suck.

Just a minor test..

This is more so just an experimental / not really anything big post. This is taken from my journal on Deviant Art.

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For almost half a year now I've been trying to find a job. Any job really, anything except McDonalds thanks. I look now at my resume and others before said it was rather impressive but no one is accepting me or calling me back. I really need a job. A year of no work and only volunteering or doing side jobs..yeah don't do that. Schooling on the other hand is something I'm considering too--but I need money. It's hard to get jobs out there. There are still other options out there--and until I run out of them completely, I will not work at McDonalds, sorry. I may go back to work as a first aid for industrial sites--but I need to get recertified for it or get a higher level of industrial first aid to get more jobs or get licensed for my entry-level paramedic certification from the JIBC Paramedic Academy--but since it's been so long that I got certified, I need to most likely retake the month-long course..

I wanted to write more, but I don't know what about. I'll probably post another one later today.

Pce